


A Name Only The Dead Know.

by salsownwords



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23980642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salsownwords/pseuds/salsownwords
Summary: After their ordeal with Miasma, Peter Nureyev expected to fall asleep to nightmares and wake to a pleasant dream with Juno Steel.He soon found the opposite to be true.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev & Juno Steel, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	A Name Only The Dead Know.

**Author's Note:**

> hey! this is just a quick little one-shot about what must have run through peter's head as juno left the night they beat miasma. hope you like it, thanks for reading!

He’d never slept so soundly in all his life.

Truthfully, he shouldn’t have, not after the ordeal he’d just endured. Days upon days of torture the likes of which he’d never experienced before, and not just the type a lackey doled out with a laser or electric shocks. No, the worst sort of pain was the kind inflicted on the mind and the heart, and he’d taken his fill of that these past two weeks. He expected his dreams to be filled with cracking eggs and skin pulled taut over a liquid face set in a snarl.

Instead, Peter Nureyev dreamed of nonsense. Pleasant nonsense. One minute he was in a town square he could have sworn he’d seen before, having a chat with a cat. The next minute, he was still talking to the same cat but now found himself sitting cross-legged in the Martian desert, a train whistle echoing in the distance. He’d never remember what he was talking to that cat about, but it didn’t matter--their conversation must have been amusing because it filled his chest with the kind of warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time.

There was a soft click that caught his attention, even in sleep. Stirring, Peter let out a small groan and arched his shoulders, shifting his body towards the sound. Towards Juno, laying by his side.

Only he wasn’t there. The bed was empty beside him.

Peter blearily opened his eyes, flinching at the light pouring in from the door. A slender figure stood outlined in the light, their head turned his way. “Juno?” Peter called softly, his voice slurred with sleepiness. His vision adjusted to the bright light of the hall, enough for him to see the scowl on Juno’s face as he hesitated at the door.

Then it hit him. Harder than any punch or stun gun ever had. The look in Juno’s eye was unmistakable. And as he turned away, turned to leave, Peter did nothing to stop him. Even as the door finally slid shut behind him.

It was a minute before Peter could move again. He lay there on his stomach, propped up on his forearms and staring blankly at the door so intently, he hardly blinked. He held his breath so he could hear every one of Juno’s footsteps as they faded down the hall, until nothing but silence rang in his ears.

Finally, he inhaled. He exhaled. A sob came with it.

Peter ducked his head down between his arms and held his breath again. He wouldn’t breathe again, not until he was sure he could keep it steady.

Maybe that time would never come, with how heavily his chest ached now.

What hurt the most was that Peter had given Juno an out. He understood that stubborn PI well enough to know that this city was important to him, even if he couldn’t empathize with the feeling. If Juno was going to leave Hyperion City behind, Peter wanted to know that it was really what he wanted. Because truthfully, the two of them hadn’t known one another for very long. To leave the only planet you’d ever known with a man you hardly knew? It was quite the ask.

But God, how euphoric it had felt to hear Juno say it was what he wanted, too. Peter had seen that desire in his eye from the very first time they’d met, after leaving the Kanagawa Estate, when he’d first extended the offer. Come to think of it, Juno was the one who had asked Nureyev not to leave in the first place. Even back then, there was a pull between them, a force that drew them towards one another that neither of them could fully describe nor fight against even if they wanted to. And it was clear neither of them wanted to.

Sucking in a breath through his teeth, Nureyev lifted himself to sit upright and pull the blanket over his chest. Small red marks peppered his collarbone and he couldn’t bear to see them right now.

Peter Nureyev was comprised of nothing but secrets and falsehoods. Fake names and personas and half-truths, all perfectly crafted to keep him alive. The only genuine thing about him was his desire to live, to survive, to experience every thrill this galaxy would offer him, and to leave an indelible mark on it that would persist after he was gone. Even if it couldn’t be attributed to his name, at least it was there. Impossible to ignore, a mystery the cosmos would analyze and pick apart until the end of time, trying to decode it. Then he would never truly die.

Juno Steel was nothing like him. For someone whose business was secrets, he did a terrible job of hiding his own. He was too crass and impatient for that. Within moments, Peter could read everything about him that mattered. Research would tell him Juno’s history, but Juno would fill in the rest for him without even trying. He was reliable in that way. It was comforting.

So when Juno had glanced up from his glass of bourbon and peered through his eyelashes and asked Nureyev to stay, Peter knew right away that he’d meant it. It truly broke his heart that he hadn’t been able to give the detective what he wanted in that moment.

But he could give him something more valuable. So he left him with a kiss and a name, one that no one but the dead knew. Part of him worried that he’d come to regret trusting the PI with something so monumental. He’d handed Juno a loaded rifle and placed his forehead to the barrel and trusted him not to fire.

Peter hadn’t expected now to be when Juno pulled the trigger.

Deep in his heart, he knew he’d done nothing to deserve this, but that’s what made it hurt all the worse. His only crime was placing his faith in someone who wasn’t ready to bear the responsibility of it. An honest mistake. One he wouldn’t repeat.

Peter allowed himself one more moment to feel the ache that pulsed in time with his heartbeat, searing the sensation in his mind like a warning he may need to call upon again someday. He let a single tear fall. Then, Peter Nureyev did what he did better than anything else. The only thing he could do now.

He disappeared.


End file.
